BillBill sillyKingOfDumbJokes

A partial collection of Bill's original dumb jokes & puns, enjoy!

(listed newest to oldest) more to come, as I come up with them

05/17/2024
Genics-101 2 Chinese parents can't have a Caucasian baby
Because 2 Wongs don't make a White
05/17/2024
You know you're old when
Your first car was
ONE HORSEPOWER
(literally)
05/06/2024
I don't eat Mushrooms
it makes me feel like a CANNIBAL
xuz I'm a FUNGI (using the very common mispronunciation that sounds like fun guy)
05/03/2024
what do you call it when the leader of a church gets heated and angry?
He is Pastorized
04/14/2024
What's a Mexican's favorite letter?
i i i iiiii
(ay ay ay ay)
04/10/2024
What's the Vegan's favorite song?
John
GIVE PEAS A CHANCE
04/09/2024
Juan married a Chinese guy
Juan took his husband's last name,
he's now JUAN TU
03/31/2024
Daryl Hall with the band and got a job as a truck driver for a farm
He went from Hall & Oates
to hauling oats!
10/04/2023
Mexican girl named Jess
When she was born at the hospital the nurse asked her father, " you have a name for the baby?"
The father answered,"Jess" (the nurse wrote it down, before he completed his sentence) " her name is 'Maria'"
10/01/2023
Police responded to annoys disturbance in the park, late one night
They approached a woman who managed the description and began to arrest her. She aasked, why?
they responded, because you were making quite a racket tonight.
you said, oh that wasn't me! I could never make a racket, because I'm Annette!
08/24/2023
Aye Chuhuahua
You Chupacabra!
07/30/2023
there's a place in Mexico where all the proctologists live
it's called Cape Asshole & they're all a bunch of jerks, too.
06/12/2023
What's a Terminal Illness?
when you get sick at the AIRPORT
03/23/2023
What's the most common last name in America?
it's Bytheway
02/12/2023
why do fish make terrible comedians
Because they always flop!
01/10/2023
e=mc² means
I get energy from eating 2 Big Macs
right?
11/29/2022
Why do long distance runners wear diapers?
Because they have the RUNS
11/10/2022
a plumber tattooed J O K E on his butt
So when he bent over,
He'd be cracking the joke.
11/06/2022
why watch football anymore?
With so many new ways of being penalized the game has become 58 minutes of penalties and two minutes of gameplay.
If I wanted to see guys in stripes wondering around for an hour, I go to the nearest prison.
06/03/2022
I get frustrated teaching Special Education classes
When I'm taking attendence and call the name "Ed," everybody says "HERE!"
05/20/2022
Was there a "big bang" to start the universe?
NO, the universe began as clouds of gas, it had to be the "big FART"
Probably ate Taco Bell for lunch.
04/09/2022
An onion was leading a tomato in a race
The tomato yelled, slow down you're making me cry.
The onion replied, No! You KETCHUP!
03/29/2022
I know a guy with a ball of yarn & a hook who's bouncing off the walls
he's Rick Crochet!
02/28/2022
Why are baseball players difficult to drug test??
Because they don't have urine_ only have you're out!
02/22/2022
The band says they play The Doors
but they don't do windows
12/24/2021
Santa Clause is a polygamist
There's Santa Ana, Santa Monica, Sanda Clara, & more
12/08/2021
Isaac Newton was a lawyer, too
He created the laws of motion
10/11/2021
Why don't people like the hyphen?
Because it is always NEGATIVE -
08/06/2021
What do you say to a sheep in a hockey rink?
PUCK EWE!
05/18/2021
What do you call an angry seed?
pistacio
(pissed acio)
05/15/2021
What is a DISCO nose?
When your nose has a little boogie in it!
05/06/2021
What does a Mexican cow say?
MOOcho GRASSYass
03/06/2021
My farts sound like geese
I have a goose loose in my caboose
12/28/2020
What do you call Irish fudge?
O' Fudge!
08/15/2020
What does a country singer say after flushing the toilet?
Turn out the lights the potty's over...
07/26/2020
Have they found big foot?
No, not yeti
06/16/2020
Why don't old people get herd immunity?
Because they wear hearing aids & haven't heard yet
06/15/2020
Do women have hemoglobin?
or do they have shemoglobin?
05/21/2020
What's it caled if you serve Mexican & Chinese food on the same day in Prison?
CONfusion
03/09/2020
Who plants Fuzzy Trees?
Harry Potter
03/04/2020
What do you get when you put laundry detergent in a swimming pool?
a Tide pool
02/15/2020
Where do they sell Camel's Milk?
At the Dramedary
02/13/2020
Why are triangles so attractive?
Because they have acute angle
01/16/2020
What do you call a liquor store that also sells donuts?
Drunken Donuts
01/06/2020
Which gaming console do mathematicians like most?
Xbox
12/05/2019
What did the Biologist say when her sister stepped on her foot?
Ow! That was mytosis
11/28/2019
My dog was mad that I left him alone, so he pooped by the door
it was Revenge of the Turds
11/16/2019
What kind of fish does your dad's sister like?
Auntchovies
11/16/2019
What did the buffalo say when his boy moved out?
Bison!
11/14/2019
What kind of crazy bug only bites at night?
A Lunartick
10/23/2019
Chinese Mexican fusion food
Wonton Tomato
(Guantanamera)
10/13/2019
Aspen
What you use to write on your back pocket.
10/13/2019
How wierd is it when a guitar player breaks a G string?
To change it does he have to remove his pants?
10/09/2019
Why do older white men have no butt?
Because they're GLUTEn free.
09/22/2019
Why are Geneticist such terrible writers?
Because they can only use 4 letters:
A, C, G, & T.
08/02/2019
Do you want a bag? (at the store)
after my divorce, I started replying
No thanks, I'm recently divorced, don't want a new bag yet, I just got rid of the 'old bag'
07/30/2019
William Shakespear's first job was cook at a local pub
He worked the breakfast shift.
His specialty was, eggs with bell peppers, ham & onions inside the eggs fried & folded over.
He called it a "Hamlet."
One day he thought, "what a great title for a play!"
07/27/2019
Why can't you plant a mathematical tree in a round pot
Because it has a SQUARE ROOT
07/24/2019
He's blind...
So, how can he be a VISIONARY?
07/05/2019
How do you get Mexicans drunk?
Combine 5 eggs with oil
cinco de MAYO
07/04/2019
Ever wonder why Pirates were in such a good mood?
On every ship they had 2 chinese hookers, the Yoh sisters
Yoh ho, Yoh ho...
07/02/2019
Alternate lyrics for Ay,Ay,Ay Cielito Lindo
Ay ay ay ay,
I ate frijoles & farted.
It smells bad,
they got mad on the elevator.
I'm so sad I'm not allowed back in that store.
Ay ay ay ay...
06/29/2019
What's the Mexican Christmas song for dogs?
There's fleas on my dog,
There's fleas on my dog,
There's fleas on my dog,
He's really itchin' & it's really bad!
I wanna wish him a flea dip Christmas...
06/25/2019
How do you sing under water?
You sing aquapella
and always in the bass clef (under the C, middle c that is)
06/14/2019
I'm tall & slim, like a baguette
I guess that makes me a good roll model.
05/18/2019
What do you call a pixie who eats Taco Bell?
Stinkerbell of course.
05/05/2019
What do Apple employees eat for breakfast?
They eat SIRIAL
Apple Jacks of course
04/30/2019
Lay down if you're short?
When I get tired I lay down in bed to sleep & then get up when I awake.
What do midgets say? Lay Up & Get Down?
04/18/2019
Oye Como Va! what it really is...
It's actually a song about a Jewish guy with male pattern baldness.
Oy Vay Comover (oy vay comova)
03/28/2019
The waitress must really like me
Every time I start to leave her Mexican restaurant, she tries to lure me back by offering, "bonus nachos"
03/25/2019
What kind of food are buenos?
Are they good with cheese?
or do you only eat
buenos noches?
03/22/2019
How do you like your rice?
I like my rice ANGRY
(steamed)
03/22/2019
Popeye says "I am what I am & that's all what I am"
Does that mean God (The Great "I AM") is Popeye?
03/21/2019
Dogs are always ready right where you left off with them
I guess that's because they're dog-eared
03/21/2019
What is Pi divided by 8?
A slice too small for me, I love dessert!
(joke has to be told verbally in the midst of a conversation involving math)
03/16/2019
In math why do A & B always win?
Because secant
(You had to have taken Trigonomretry to get that one)
03/11/2019
Shakespeare's grandaughter works at McDonald's, what's her name?
McBeth, of course
03/11/2019
Guy goes to the Doctor
DOC:
"We need a CAT scan...
MAN:
No thank you, I'm a dog person.
03/08/2019
Global Warming class added to school curriculum
California created a class called "Bovine Flatulence Analytics"
Being developed by Beto O'Dork &
A.O.C. (Always Over Clueless)
02/08/2019
I tried a booty call once
I don't know why guys do it so much, a booty can't answer the phone. What's the point in calling them?
11/10/2018
Why did the chicken cross the road?
dunno, but the road sure was mad (crossed)
04/25/2016
What's the name of a Chinese guy with a bladder control problem?
Lee King
12/17/2009
What Blood type is Dracula?
(you must guess now)
         ↓
         ↓
         ↓
         ➘

What's Dracula's blood type?
            YOURS!
06/05/1999
Hi, my name is Bill,
in Chinese it's "Hay Yu"
(talking to a gal)Your name is "Hu Mi"
(pointing to her date), his is "Noh Nah Chew"
*wink*

--

If you like my jokes or if the Lord moves you to help, please send me a donation.
(this button will take you directly to PayPal for processing 100% securely)


Got cheers or jeers?
I don't publish anyone elses jokes.

Or you can just E-mail Bill
Your Name*:
Your E-mail*:
Your Cell: (optional)
Subject*:
Message*:
NOTICE: You must be over 18 years old & not a student in my current district
to be allowed to send me an email.
Verify*

(if you meet these requirements click>Phone< for my phone number)

CAPCHA*:

You must type the code shown in the image below
(this prevents SPAMMER robots from abusing this form
)there are two numeric characters in it the 1 and the 5.

It is CaSE sensative, too.
<<

 

Site developed by: Computer Demystification & Graphics
©2019, Billwinkle, kingofdumbjokes.com